i haven't been on this blog in forever. i'm really bad about that, i've already stated this numerous times. i'm always updating my twitter or my facebook (not so much my myspace anymore), and i never ever think of coming here just to write. and you know, i have a lot of stuff in my brain that i'd love to write down, but i just haven't gotten around to writing it.

so instead of posting my latest pair of shoes or whatever concert video i feel like posting, i want to just write about me. about what's going on in my life. what i'm thinking. all that bullshit. all for me. not for you. if you read it, you read it. no one really reads it obviously. but i'd like to be able to look back and remember what i was thinking or how i was feeling on a particular day. i used to do that with my myspace blogs, but i'd rather not post there anymore because there are so many things i wrote on that which pain me. stuff about my mom passing away or getting my heart broken or many of the other things i have gone through in my 25 years on this earth. stuff that has made me a bigger and better person despite the fact that it was all complete bullshit.

now right now i'm going to write about how i am bettering myself. i always write that i'm trying to do that, but do i actually go ahead and fully commit myself to bettering myself? not fully, no. listen though, i have 1 semester left of college before i graduate. that's right. and it's not even a "real" semester because it's just 1 class and an internship (which they are gonna let me do in mckinney which means i'll only be going out to richardson once a week). the 1 class occurs during work, so i'll be missing a day of work each week... meaning i'll have to really start budgeting myself. but i'm growing up, and budgeting yourself is part of growing up.

so anyway, like i was saying... i'm bettering myself. i'm not gonna quit smoking or drinking or cussing or being me. hell no. but i plan on committing myself to my studies, to reading a few books for pleasure each month, and to ALWAYS having a smile on my face (unless i have a real good reason to have a frown. having to go to work or having to mow the lawn is NOT a good enough reason to frown). i'm not gonna be sad or pissed or angry that i'm single. i've been there done that. enjoying the single life because i know I WILL someday meet someone who is amazing, and if i decide to just get with some guy i'm not compatible with... then that amazing guy will pass me up. so i'm not gonna wait around and try to find the man of my dreams. i'll let him come to me. i'm cool with just chillin' until that day comes.

as for everything else... yeah... i'm good. i'm gonna enjoy the summer. we're going camping this weekend, so it'll be fun to actually get out of this town. the weekend after this one, i'm going to visit my friend lauren who moved a few years back. she's graduating from college, so gotta go support my homie. anyway, i'm living my fucking life. each and every day. there won't be one day where i'm like "this day was fucking boring". no. i'm gonna go out there and live. it's all i can do to keep from going insane.

and with that, i'm done rambling. i'm going to ramble a lot from now on, and if you have the patience and the balls to sit through it all, more power to you.